Steal this number: 595-12-5274

3 May 2009 by Mike Gogulski
Posted in diary, surveillance | 34 Comments »

It seems that on 31 July 1982 (during the Reagan years, for those of you who can remember), I signed some little piece of paper issued by some group of fucktwits calling themselves the “Department of Health and Human [sic] Services”.

At the tender age of nine, I had handwriting. Woe, woe be unto ye who would use this as evidence of my onging consent to anything other than pride at my youthful penmanship.

At the tender age of nine, I had handwriting. Woe, woe be unto ye who would use this as evidence of my onging consent to anything other than pride at my youthful penmanship.

In the course of the intervening years, numerous people asked to see this silly little piece of paper, and I showed it to them. Perhaps I did so out of pride, simply for having a little piece of paper of my own. Perhaps I did so out of fetishistic glee at feeling “a part of something”. Perhaps I did so because, otherwise, I couldn’t obtain a lawful salary.

Hell, I don’t even remember.

It had a number on it: 595-12-5274.




Why isn't "social security" capitalized? Is it because it's not A CORPORATION IN CAPITAL LETTERS? OMIGOSH!

Here, and now, I provide this number for the simple joy of numbers themselves… so that you, too, may feel silly… so that you, too, may enjoy the pride of being 595-12-5274, and so that you, too, might enjoy my former, fetishistic glee at being a “part”.

A part “of”.

A part of, “something”.

A part of “something”… numerical.

Something… numerological.

Something… magical.

A part of a something that will chew out your decayed, barren, poisoned soul, and then ask you if you’re satisfied — for customer assurance purposes, of course.

Of course.

Steal this number. Please — steal this fucking number.

Inspired, in part, by Billy Beck, by a liter of Smädný Mních (Vybrobené z prírodných slovenských surovín!), and by Robert Anton Wilson (may he rest without consciousness).

  1. 34 Responses to “Steal this number: 595-12-5274”

  2. By Azrael on 3 May 2009

    My parents laminated mine so technically it is not even valid lol.

  3. By irspariah on 3 May 2009

    You don’t have to do any of this shit. You don’t need their permission to tell them to fuck off. As a matter of fact, you should have sold your passport and other documents to someone who can use them since now you don’t need them. How they choose to use them is their problem. Yeah, I know they have rules. When you follow their rules you are simply validating their bullshit. Don’t do that!

  4. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @irspariah: Right, I don’t have to. I choose to, in these cases, for other reasons.

  5. By Kurt on 3 May 2009

    Anti-statism is not anarchism. I’m a statist and I’m also an anarchist. A state is just a social contract. Though they’re illegitimate if they’re non-expiring, as our current one is. Notice, I said that the United States government is illegitimate.

  6. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @Kurt: A contract, you say? Produce the signatures.

  7. By Kurt on 3 May 2009

    @Mike: There are none. Notice I said “Notice, I said that the United States government is illegitimate.”

  8. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @Kurt: You also said, “A state is just a social contract” and it’s to that which I call bullshit, regardless of whether or not the purported contract bears an expiration date.

  9. By Kurt on 3 May 2009

    @Mike So you called bullshit. What now? In a legitimate social contract (i.e. state) there are actual signatures, and it’s voluntary for this very reason.

  10. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @Kurt: And where and when has one of those ever existed?

  11. By Kurt on 3 May 2009

    @Mike For whatever reason, the 18th century theorists who promulgated social contract theory didn’t consider that states could become tyrannous if they didn’t have an expiration date. To my knowledge, that is. They might have. So states without them have always existed, but I consider these illegitimate. As far as I know (and that’s, admittedly, not very far on this huge topic) none have ever existed. But that doesn’t invalidate an otherwise complete, holistic, and perfect theory of human interaction. I know there were some clauses written into the agreement for some U.S. states’ entrance into the union, but those aren’t emphasized or particularly well-known.

  12. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @Kurt: Okay, we’re in agreement that none such has ever existed.

    The main thrust of my point is that the term “social contract” is a misnomer, in practice, everywhere it has been used as a justification for government action. I would submit, also, that this is likely to always be the case when used as justification for government actions anywhere, for reasons outlined by Lysander Spooner in No Treason: The Constitution of No Authority, and also very likely to be extremely dangerous for reasons outlined by Hayek in The Road to Serfdom.

  13. By anon on 3 May 2009

    Oh my fucking god. Shit like this is why I don’t tell anyone I’m an anarchist publicly.

  14. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @anon: What’s your objection, exactly?

  15. By Darian on 3 May 2009

    I’ll try to work 595-12-5274 into a future story just for you.

    But won’t it be harder for you to get certain things if your US government tag number is used by others? Or do Slovak banks not care about BS like that? Of course I won’t ask if there’s some kind of ubersecret agorist bank that you use…

  16. By Mike Gogulski on 3 May 2009

    @Darian: Cool on the story idea 🙂 Anyplace I’ve been, at least at present, nobody outside the US requests or requires SSNs for anything.

    Ubersecret agorist bank… yes… yes! Where I keep my millions!!! ;P

  17. By GM Palmer on 4 May 2009

    You’re from Florida?

  18. By Mike Gogulski on 4 May 2009

    @GM Palmer: Born in Phoenix, raised (or, perhaps, lowered) in Orlando.

  19. By Black Bloke on 4 May 2009

    595 is a number in the Florida range, but the SSA issues them based on the mailing address. You got a relatively early issue as you got the middle numbers even and between 10 and 98.

  20. By Mike Gogulski on 4 May 2009

    @BB: Yarr, it was issued in Florida. Any way to tease out intimations of my future from various arrangements, permutations and derivations of those sweet digits?

  21. By ogd on 6 May 2009

    Thanks, bro.

  22. By Aaron Kinney on 6 May 2009

    Hmmm, does BB work for HHS?

  23. By Mike Gogulski on 6 May 2009

    @Aaron: Black Bloke is a freaking rockstar. Check out his Cafepress site!

  24. By The New Anarchist on 14 May 2009

    The irony is that someone may have already stolen it before you posted. This society can kill a lot of things but it’s still no match for the ego and its need to obtain and use power.

  25. By Anonymous on 15 May 2009

    You shouldnt post that card online your identity can be stole dude.

  26. By Mike Gogulski on 16 May 2009

    @Anonymous: Really? Imagine my shock!

  27. By Brice on 23 May 2009

    Technically you can’t contract until your 18,so the S.S. card your parents got you is null and void.

  28. By anon on 15 June 2009

    Ok so I’m new to this forum and the social contract stuff is getting to me. We do live by a social contract and yes it is signed, its the Declaration of Independence. It created a system of ‘colony/states’ independent from the social contract of tyranny ie. England. So now that evolution of politics comes into play, we now have a country of united states ruled by a Constitution. Also by signing that card, you signed the contract – citizen number 595-12-5274. You are part of the system. By your parents signing the birth certificate and checking the SSN box, they signed you into the system, and until you’re 18, they are legally allowed to do that. You signed into the system now deal. Big deal, its just a number that the government has assigned you to keep tabs on your life and eventually pay you what youre worth… Enjoy it or move.

  29. By b-psycho on 15 June 2009

    He already moved, anon. And since when can 3rd parties create and sign contracts that are legally binding on other adults, who weren’t party to the deal, for eternity?

  30. By Joe Blow on 28 June 2009

    Mike, I hate to point this little detail out to you but the back of the card says ’92 not 1982. So that makes it Bush Sr. when you signed it and it also means you’re about 26 years old. Is that correct? None of this matters of course, just curious.

  31. By Mike Gogulski on 28 June 2009

    @Joe: The date is in my father’s handwriting, and if you look closely I think you can see that what looks at first glance like a 9 is really an 8. In any case, I was legally employed before 1992, and those jobs required presenting the card.

  32. By BJM on 23 July 2009

    hahaha I saw this number originally on wikipedia and couldnt believe that someone would post theirs 😛 so I thought it was…someone deaceased and ran this through the SSDI(social security death index) and nothing turned up 😛

    finally after searching I end up here. Hi Mike. lol
    I’ll save this number in my permanent archive. 30 years from now I’ll run it again and see if your still kickin.

    till then, ttyl

  33. By Mike Gogulski on 23 July 2009

    BJM: Yup, I put it there on Wikipedia, too.

    And if the Social Security Administration still exists in 2039, well… I’ll buy you a beer 🙂

  1. 2 Trackback(s)

  2. 9 May 2009: Renouncing privilege and fake solidarity: 595-12-5274 |
  3. 20 June 2009: Responding to the “proponents” of “legal immigration” at ALIPAC |

    comments rss Comments RSS

Sorry, comments for this entry are closed at this time.

  • Categories

  • Archives

  • Core Dogma