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On becoming a victim

26 October 2009 by Mike Gogulski
Posted in crime, mind control, police | 11 Comments »

I have for long years been influenced, impacted and affected by the suffering of people who are and who have been the victims of violence — be it at the hands of states, spouses, parents or random monsters on the street.

I have done my best, in those years, to understand and to relate to what happens to them. I have cried with them, cried for them, and cried for the awful horror that is our common, human milieu.

I have cried and felt, especially, for those women — far too many — whom I have met, who have told me their stories of rape, spousal abuse, imprisonment at the hands of “lovers”, ongoing exploitation and debasement. And I have tried to relate. I have related to the level where, as above, I have cried not only for them, but for all of them who suffer these horrors — especially when, for whatever reasons, they feel they must remain silent.

And then, without being raped specifically, I’ve become a victim, too.

I haven’t been in a physical confrontation, prior to seven weeks ago, since the playground days of the mid-1980s. Those, always, I lost in short order. Some sand to the face, a punch in the belly, or, later, a deft evasion on my part, and the confrontation dissolved rather quickly.

I found myself, though, seven weeks ago, facing a monster far greater than any playground bully. I ultimately have no idea whatsoever what a woman trapped by her circumstances into either remaining silent about rape or deciding to tolerate daily abuse undergoes.

I do, however, map some of my own feelings in reaction to those I have come to known from those of my friends who have been there. The correspondences are not always perfect. I did not have to face the situation that Miroslav Pašek would continue living in my home, continue to pretend to be my protector or lover, or continue to play a part in my life.

Even so, I ran. I ran from Pašek’s territory. I ran from his hunting grounds.

I have never really understood before recently what it is to be a victim. I’m not entirely sure that I understand now, especially to the depth that the victims of rape and domestic violence I have known have been.

If I have gotten even the slightest taste, however, by means of what I have experienced, then I know that their reality is, in fact, far worse than I ever imagined.

This realization, along with my own emotions, makes me want to sleep all day, and shut out the world.

And, yet, I cannot.

  1. 11 Responses to “On becoming a victim”

  2. By Stephanie on 26 October 2009

    I am so sorry for your suffering and would do anything possible to make it go away if I could. But, as you’ve said yourself, it’s something you just have to go through and work through. Nonetheless, I wish I could make it go away. Remember that others are here for you though when you need someone.

  3. By John Galt on 26 October 2009

    Sleep, blessed sleep, that knits up the raveled sleeve of care.

    Being physically attacked and hurt is traumatic. It takes time, rest, reflection, and distance to get over it.

    There is no royal road to geometry. There is no shortcut to recovery from violence.

    Imagine a world with no state violence. Perhaps one day children would grow up without any sort of coercion at all.

    We might not bring about a world without coercion of all kinds. We might not succeed in creating a world without state violence. But we are on that path.

    The only good state is no state.

  4. By Amanda Crissinger Spohn on 26 October 2009

    Amanda Crissinger Spohn false accusation detailed in transcripts of court proceedings Alaska Anchorage case 3AN-05-08188CR ( Alaska North Carolina Wasilla Anchorage ) note that serious felony charges were dismissed by Prosecutors. A.C. in Courtview documents is Amanda Crissinger – cross reference with her Courtview records for connection. Surveillance camera evidence proved she lied. Made allegations of serious felonies that were spurious. Do not be victimized by this “victim” – it is her hobby, and so far she has done it with legal impunity in spite of fact that Anchorage Prosecutors knew she perjured herself.

  5. By Sky Captain on 26 October 2009

    The police in any country are pretty useless. To get any usefulness takes a lot of understanding and practise, even for a native.
    I would have walked away when the barkeep asked. These sorts of people usually have the fix in somewhere.
    Take it easy bud, keep your head down, swim between the rocks and hard places and don’t get caught out relying on the state again.

  6. By George Donnelly on 26 October 2009

    You will recover. You will go on to even greater heights of greatness and happiness than ever. Things will get better. We love you.

  7. By Darian on 26 October 2009

    I’ve got no advice, but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and hope you prevail over your victimization.

  8. By Tim on 26 October 2009

    FYI, women aren’t the only gender that suffer from domestic violence, although they certainly are the most vocal about it and stereotype men as abusers and women as victims. Here’s just one web site that addresses that issue. http://www.abs-comptech.com/domestic.html
    I used to be in a relationship where my wife hit and kicked me frequently, almost daily, and I never hit her back. She eventually left me and got an ex parte order of protection against me, claiming that I was abusive (even though I had never hit her and didn’t even so much as yell at her). The judge gave her sole custody of our children, who I haven’t been able to see in about a year and a half and haven’t been allowed any communication with in well over a year. She had the police seize thousands of dollars worth of my property and got a judge to require me to pay child support. I am sympathetic to women who truly are victims, but all too often women use the system as a sword rather than as a shield.

  9. By Cork on 26 October 2009

    Holy crap Mike, sorry to hear about all this. Hope you’re ok. I’ve had my own unpleasant experiences with the pigs, although nothing this intense.

  10. By winston smith on 27 October 2009

    i don’t know what you went through. but i do believe that you will make it ok. hang in there,ok?

  11. By Milos on 2 November 2009

    mike, did you consider filing some sort of a complaint against the slovak police?

  12. By Mike Gogulski on 2 November 2009

    @Milos: Yes. And then I realized that the first step to doing that would be to enter my complaint into the record when I provided the witness statement I was required to make the following Monday after being released to the hospital from jail (without even being “arrested”).

    And, finding myself in the same building where I’d been beaten in the cell, I decided that putting the real story on the record there might be hazardous to my health. So I told a little story that let them close their files — and that let me leave unmolested any further.


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