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It’s ridiculous. It’s not even funny.

3 April 2010 by Mike Gogulski
Posted in art, diary | 2 Comments »

Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet UnionRussia? ElevenNine.

From Wikinews:

Russia removes two timezones

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Russian government has decided to remove two of its eleven timezones, in the country’s first step towards time reform, first started by president Dmitriy Medvedev in last November.

The affected regions were Chukotka, the easternmost province of Russia were moved back an hour, as were and Samara and Udmurtia, which are now on Moscow time.

It’s not even funny.

Negativland, “Time Zones”, Escape from Noise, 1987:

Miguel Soares, Negativland’s Time Zones from migso on Vimeo.

The Autonomous Komi Republic, which is part of the Russian Federation, is situated in the far northwest of Europe, and spreads up to the Arctic part of the Ural Mountains. It’s crossed by 9 northern parallels. Ten fair-sized European states could be placed on its territory. Besides indigenous residents (that is, the Komi people), there are also Russians, Ukranians, Nenetzes, Tchubashis, and Tartars.

And now, let’s go back into history a little bit. (CLICK)

A boy lying on skins behind our backs was turning the knobs of a small transistor radio.

(“…..making efforts to use radios as vehicles of the psychological warfare. A subversive….”)

And the tent was suddenly filled with an announcer’s voice speaking Komi.

(Jane Jane Jane….)

Then, with music from Moscow, followed by English and French speech.

(“The recording was made at the Moscow Theatre of Musical Miniatures.”)

Now, back to modern times.

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. AT THE RECOMMENDATION OF THE INTERNATIONAL TIME BUREAU, COMMENCING AT TWENTY-THREE (23) HOURS, FIFTY-NINE (59) MINUTES, SIXTY (60) SECONDS UTC, AN EXTRA SECOND WILL BE INSERTED INTO THE NBS TIME SCALE. THIS ADJUSTMENT IS REQUIRED TO MAINTAIN INTERNATIONALLY COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME AS BROADCAST FROM THESE STATIONS, IN CLOSE AGGREEMENT WITH UT1, OR ASTRONOMICAL TIME.

(“WA6ODB….with…a question….”)

“and, uh …”

“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“and about power …”

“d’you kn–“

“we got so much power now …”

“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“we got so much power now, that’s ridiculous.”

“d’you kn– do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“power, and all that, that’s power, we got so much power, that’s ridiculous.”

“We have–“

“power, power, power, power, power, power now, it’s ridiculous. We got so much power now …”

“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“It’s not even funny.”

“D’you–“

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Do you know how many–“

“It’s not even funny.”

“D’you kn–“

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Do you know how many–“

“That’s, that’s ridiculous.”

“Do you know how many time–“

“That’s ridiculous. It’s not even funny.”

“D’you–“

“It’s not even funny.”

“D–“

“It’s not even funny.”

“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“It’s not even funny. How many time zones?”

“Yeah. We have, we have four in this country, right?” (Hello?)

“How many time zones?”

“Yeah.” (Hello? Yes.)

“1, 2, 3 …”

“Four in this country, right?”

“Uh, yessir.”

“Mm hm.”

“Uh, four … 1, 2, 3 … yessir.”

“Right.”

“1, 2, 3 … yessir.”

“Mm hm.” (“….radio station, Radio Moscow”)

“Uh, four … time zones?”

“Yeah. We have four in this country, right?”

“Uh, nosir.”

“We have, we have–“

“Uh, yessir.”

“Mm hm.”

“And, uh …”

“Do you know how many time zones they have?”

“Uh, yessir. Uh, four … uh, nosir. I never really studied that up.”

“Eleven.”

“Eleven. It’s not even funny.”

“Eleven.”

“Eleven. That’s, that’s ridiculous.”

“Eleven.”

“Eleven. Well, that’s what we can do. We can go anywhere, because we live here, we–“

“Yeah, but–“

“–anywhere else.”

“But, not only, not only the right of free travel, I’m saying…eleven.”

“Eleven. 1, 2, 3 … yessir.”

“Mm hm. Eleven.”

“Eleven.”

“That’s how big they are.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Eleven.” (What happened to my call?)

“That’s how big they are.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I, I can believe that, I’m a firm believer in that.”

“Alright.”

“1, 2, 3 … uh, four … yessir. 1, 2 … yessir. Yessir.”

“Mm hm.” (….Radio Moscow, 215 2101)

“The Soviet Union’s the whole half side of the world.”

“Yeah.”

“And we’re just a little, one little tenth of the globe.”

“Yeah.”

“They, uh, when you talk about fightin’, we’re a country that, uh, we’re a firm believer on pride, and it’s called help thy neighbor, do not kill, do not, you know, steal, cheat, lie from everybody. That’s why we have to have computers, because man, nobody is perfect. You know.”

“Mm hm.”

“It’s not even funny.”

“D’you–“

“and about power, man, nobody is perfect. You know.”

“So what is your point?”

“Nobody is perfect. You know.”

“So what is your point, Glen?”

“There’s, there’s, there’s two things you don’t talk about, one’s politics, the other one’s religion.”

“D’you–“

“The reason you don’t talk about ‘em is because they combine in each other. You know what I’m saying?”

“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”

“You know what I’m saying?”

“Don’t you kid yourself. Thanks, Glen, for the uh… well, just thanks for the, the good thoughts.”

THIS CONCLUDES OUR TRANSMISSION TO OCEANIA. HOWEVER, LISTENERS IN EAST ASIA MAY CONTINUE LISTENING ON THE FOLLOWING SHORTWAVE FREQUENCIES: 6110, 7230, 9565, 9760, 15160, AND 15425 KILOHERTZ.

  1. 2 Responses to “It’s ridiculous. It’s not even funny.”

  2. By Arap Mousers on 15 April 2010

    The guy on the radio isn’t saying Jane Jane Jane… He’s saying Jam, as in Jam the box.

  3. By Robin on 4 May 2010

    I’m pretty sure there was a huge number of Fnords in there.


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