ACCESS ALL AREAS

… and you agree.

13 September 2008 by Mike Gogulski
Posted in philosophy | 7 Comments »

WEBSITE ACCESS AGREEMENT

Entry to nostate.com (hereinafter the “Website”) is restricted by contract. By pressing “Submit” below you freely, fully, explicitly and expressly agree:

  • that you shall not, by act or omission, take away any impressions, copies, extracts, derivatives, subsets or samples of this Website or any part thereof;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, copy, store or retransmit any data from this Website or any part thereof,  including but not limited to sequences of or individual characters or individual bits;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, fail upon the Website owner’s request to surrender all energy patterns, tactile sensations, auditory stimuli, mass-energy distribution changes or other media of phenomenal transmission incident to your use of the Website to the Website owner, to become the exclusive property thereof;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, link to, cite, quote or reference the Website or any part thereof;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, speak or otherwise divulge to third parties your knowledge of the Website’s existence, your knowledge of its contents, the contents themselves or the existence of this WEBSITE ACCESS AGREEMENT (hereinafter the “Agreement”) or the Agreement itself, or any part thereof, despite being legally and morally bound by it;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, form memories of the Website or any part thereof or of this Agreement or any part thereof;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, recall, remember, recount, retain, reconstitute, recreate, receive, recover or retransmit the Website or any part thereof or this Agreement or any part thereof;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, fail to exercise due care and prudence in excluding third parties from taking part in your use of the Website in any fashion, including but not limited to by blocking all energy patterns, tactile sensations, auditory stimuli, mass-energy distribution changes or other media of phenomenal transmission incident to your use of the Website such that they cannot pass to third parties;
  • that this Agreement is the totality of all contractual relationships between you and the Website owner and that this Agreement supersedes, replaces and annuls all prior contractual relationships between the aforementioned parties;
  • that any breach of this Agreement on your part shall subject you to a penalty of three hundred (300) ounces of 99.99% fine gold or two thousand (2,000) hours of forced labor, with that the choice of penalty shall be yours, payable to the Website owner within ten days in the case of gold or within one year in the case of labor;
  • that you shall not, by act or omission, attempt to or actually transfer, surrender, hypothecate, pledge, encumber, subordinate, abandon or pass by gift, inheritance or other means any of your rights or duties under this Agreement without prior written consent of the Website owner;
  • that should any portion of this Agreement be found to be unenforceable, such finding shall not affect the enforceability of any other provision of this Agreement;
  • that the term of this Agreement shall begin upon you pressing “Submit” below and shall be perpetual;
  • that this Agreement may from time to time be amended or supplemented by the Website owner in written form and with due notice to you;
  • that in the event of any dispute or contest involving this Agreement, such dispute or contest shall be submitted to the jurisdiction and binding arbitration of Bob’s Arbitration and Pizza Company, Libertania, Ancapistan, without appeal; and
  • that you have entered into this Agreement freely and without duress after careful consideration and understanding of all its contents.
  1. 7 Responses to “… and you agree.”

  2. By DixieFlatline on 14 September 2008

    Spent nearly 5 minutes looking for the Submit button, because I figured there was no way you could enforce anything anyway.

    This is a great way to scare the crap out of your readers. I might have saved it for Halloween myself.

  3. By scineram on 14 September 2008

    Sue me!

  4. By Mike Gogulski on 14 September 2008

    Sue you? I have no evidence of a breach of contract so far…

  5. By http://radicallibertarians.blogspot.com/ on 16 September 2008

    Holy shit!

  6. By Sunni on 19 September 2008

    This probably isn’t too much of an exaggeration of some companies’ attempts to protect their “intellectual property”—well, except for the “Bob’s Arbitration and Pizza Company” part. :-)

  7. By Dennis on 24 September 2013

    I SUBMIT, as always.

  1. 1 Trackback(s)

  2. 17 June 2009: Intellectual property does not exist | nostate.com

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