What’s the official anarchist position on the Zombie Apocalypse?

I suspect that all of my loyal readers will agree that this is an important question, and one worthy of a detailed response from Dr. Anarchy and other philosophers and legal scholars who have had things to say about zombies in the past.

The answer depends on the type of zombies we’re talking about. If the zombification is reversible, then we may have to consider them as moral actors under temporary undue influence. This would not mean you can’t chop their heads off if they’re threatening to eat you, in full consistency with any rational concept of self-defense, but it does introduce a dimension of complexity to the moral calculus.

Milla Jovovich demonstrates her approach to the zombie apocalypse through ACTION!

Now, there are some anarchists who are very much into animal rights as well as human rights, who would likely have a range of opinions beyond mine on this topic. To me, an irreversibly zombified human could not be considered a moral actor, and could therefore be treated like any dangerous animal in the event that it threatens humans.

A topic of particular interest to propertarian anarchists like myself is the question of property within the broader context of zombification, without even needing to go to the extreme of any prospective zombie apocalypse. If a person who owns property becomes zombified, what of their property? From my libertarian perspective, this question turns on whether or not they are still capable of being a moral actor.

For the irreversibly-zombified human, libertarian theory tells us that zombies — not being moral actors — cannot own property. This means that any property held by a person becoming irreversibly zombified becomes unowned, and is therefore subject to immediate homesteading by the first comer. So long as no other non-zombified legitimate claimants exist, unlimited expropriation of formerly-just, now-unowned property from zombies is morally defensible. The same is of course true of the material of the zombie’s body, leaving open the possibility of the assemblage of a zombie slave army by a sufficiently skilled and motivated propertarian anarchist.

However, what of the new zombie’s heirs? As irreversible zombification is not typically provided for in wills (i.e., it’s not really “death”), perhaps a variant of a living will could be used to ensure that the zombified’s property passes to their regular heirs in the case of such an eventuality. We might call this new legal instrument an “undead will”.

For the reversibly-zombified human, I’m really not quite certain. I suspect, though, that in a truly free market (which we don’t have today) it would be possible to purchase zombification insurance at competitive rates which would provide for a sort of trustee custody relationship over the property of the insured, should same become reversibly zombified. Insurers providing this type of coverage should be strongly motivated to find a cure for zombification so that the time and resources expended in the defense of zombie property is minimized, and profits thus maximized. Existing contracts referencing Acts of God or the Acts of the Apostles might need to be re-written in order to provide exclusions from force majeure provisions in the event of widespread zombification.

In any case, the potential of a zombie apocalypse provides agorists, anarchists of all adjectivial stripes as well as such degenerates as vulgar libertarians, minarchists and Republicans to build community and make common cause with such people as Milla Jovovich, whose demonstrated abilities in both combating and managing zombie crises should serve as inspiration to us all.

We can’t afford these tax exiles

Monday March 30 2009

It is called ‘an Irish solution to an Irish problem’, ‘the ultimate escape plan’, and reinforces the notion that ‘only little people pay tax’. That is, moving offshore to escape the clutches of the Irish tax authorities. This needs to be stopped now.

Ireland needs to adopt the American tax system whereby an Irish citizen would have to renounce his citizenship before he could move abroad to with his cash.

We need a law that will tax the assets of those who leave for good on their way ‘out the door’, as if they were selling their assets, and a provision needs to be put in place that would tax Irish heirs on amounts given or left to them by ex-Irish citizens. Taxing the recipient instead of the donor would make it harder to get around any new tax laws.

Ireland Inc could never afford these tax exile prima donnas. In the current economic climate they need to be told that if they are not prepared to be part of the solution, they will no longer be allowed to be part of the problem.

To remove their citizenship and require them to apply for a ‘tourist visa’ to visit Ireland might concentrate their minds.

We can no longer afford freeloaders in our society.

Mick Murphy

Model Farm Road, Cork

Of course, one of the immediate and appropriate responses to a screed like this is, “‘We’, who?”

Would that be the “we” which excludes all Irish tax slaves who recognize, rightly, that taxation is theft?

Would that be the “we” which excludes all the remaining Irish tax slaves who make every effort to “cheat” the taxman by underreporting, claiming legally impermissible deductions, etc.?

Would that be the “we” which excludes all the remaining Irish tax slaves who structure their investments, businesses and other economic activities such as to legally reduce the amount of tax they pay?

Would that be the “we” which excludes all the remaining Irish tax slaves who, knowing that they could do more for the State, consistently fail to send in extra “donations” to the government alongside their tax extortion payments?

Would that be the “we” which excludes all the remaining Irish tax slaves who — Catholic, Protestant or neither — consistently engage in the democracy’s sacrament, voting, with an eye toward electing candidates who promise to reduce their taxes?

That’s right, Mick Murphy, you go. You watch a few of your fellow slaves attempt to shed the yoke, and instead of rallying for freedom, call out to your masters to make the yokes heavier. You’re a goddamned hero.