Earlier, I founded two secret societies, exploited my conspecifics for free beer and cigarettes, conspired to fail, expressed gratitude, and engaged with a “schizophrenic” Christian-brainwashed human who  really believes that the message of the vastness of space is something about some God talking to him (although he can’t say what He says), rather than that we are small and that the body is our temple, and who really was lying when he claimed to be collecting money for train fare to go meet his wife in some non-existent village 100km away. Needless to say, I won’t be going to temple with Peter, though you can be sure that he is a rock.

From Camden Benares, The Count of Five, Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal

A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.

One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, “go to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I have written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go to the large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate.”

He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting in. He worried how would he know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about what the people who walked through the room said about him.

His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time two people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man was sitting there was. The second replied “Some say he is a holy man. Others say he is a shithead.” Hearing this, the man was enlightened.