(11:07:23 PM) Dora Vancil: hey cutie.. you there?
(11:07:42 PM) mikegogulski: I sure am, darlin’!
(11:07:57 PM) Dora Vancil: Hey hun.. How are you today? Wanna chat for a little? Im bored and wanted to meet new people…
(11:08:08 PM) mikegogulski: is that the “F1″ macro, or the “F2″?
(11:08:22 PM) Dora Vancil: Cool… Well, my name is Amanda Im from S.Florida.. Can I ask you a question?
(11:08:32 PM) mikegogulski: Sure, Amandora, go ahead.
(11:08:46 PM) Dora Vancil: What kinda girls you in to? Are you in to BIG TITS or a BIG BOOTY? ~
(11:08:59 PM) mikegogulski: neither. definitely not a big booty.
(11:09:10 PM) mikegogulski: as for tits, the bigger they are, the poorer they age.
(11:09:14 PM) Dora Vancil: lol.. I have a lot of both!! Wanna see? I have some free time now…
(11:09:25 PM) Dora Vancil: i’m 24
(11:09:49 PM) mikegogulski: I’m 98 and a half
(11:10:04 PM) Dora Vancil: Ok… let me set my web cam up and you can watch me shake my booty!! LOL.. brb
(11:10:09 PM) mikegogulski: oh that’ll be great
(11:10:23 PM) Dora Vancil: Ok! Click here http://www.yourprivateshow.com/mpkz and we’ll have a PRIVATE 1on1 chat..There’s a pic of me in there, if you like Just accept my invite on the side then register and it’ll take you straight to my webcam, I’ll be there in a minute..
(11:11:49 PM) mikegogulski: too bad, your web registration form doesn’t work. i could send you some photos of my flaccid penis, if you like.
(11:12:01 PM) Dora Vancil: click here www.pinkgirlpics.com/amandapix to see some pix. Just register to see them..
(11:13:21 PM) mikegogulski: i’m sorry it doesn’t work. it says “website is blocked by proxy server. your attempt to access it has been logged.” What do i do now?
(11:13:36 PM) Dora Vancil: do it! I DARE YOU!
(11:13:47 PM) mikegogulski: does the “i dare you” thing work often?
(11:14:02 PM) Dora Vancil: There is no charge but its gonna ask you for your credit card info just to verify your age. Im wearing almost nothing and I dont want any kids watching me!! lol..
(11:14:13 PM) mikegogulski: gosh you type quickly
(11:14:25 PM) Dora Vancil: Once you’ve completed that, it’ll automatically redirect you to my webcam page..
(11:14:23 PM) mikegogulski: pity that i don’t have a credit card.
(11:14:38 PM) Dora Vancil: Ok, Im all set up for you baby… Ill be waiting for you in the site http://www.yourprivateshow.com/mpzk hurry! My pussy is dripping…
(11:14:35 PM) mikegogulski: would it be easier if i put all my money in a bag and mailed it to you?
(11:14:46 PM) Dora Vancil: there’s no $$ involved!!
(11:14:59 PM) mikegogulski: oh that’s good, because i only have €€ anyway!
(11:15:14 PM) Dora Vancil: XOXO See you SOON! ::MUAH::
(11:15:22 PM) mikegogulski: you folks sort of amuse me sometimes
(11:15:36 PM) mikegogulski: i’ve had much brighter scammers at the other end of these yahoo pickups, though.
(11:15:48 PM) mikegogulski: how many times do you need to cast before you get a real fish?
(11:16:41 PM) mikegogulski: are you still there, Amandora?
(11:16:47 PM) mikegogulski: i miss you
(11:16:59 PM) mikegogulski: do you like cupcakes?
(11:17:05 PM) mikegogulski: waffles?
(11:17:08 PM) mikegogulski: cheese curds?
(11:17:11 PM) mikegogulski: c’mon, tell me.
(11:17:25 PM) mikegogulski: ice cream?
(11:17:30 PM) mikegogulski: everyone likes ice cream
(11:17:36 PM) mikegogulski: what about potatoes?
(11:17:39 PM) mikegogulski: surely you like potatoes
(11:17:57 PM) mikegogulski: *cry* you’ve gone away!

If you go to the zoo or the circus, or even a farm in rural India, Thailand, or other parts of Asia, you may find elephants in captivity.  These very large, gentle, and powerful creatures are really quite agreeable to working with humans.  Yet they are often tethered by very little more than a rope.

It seems absurd, of course, that a huge beast would be secured with such a feeble device.  Talk to elephant trainers and they assure you that the rope is symbolic.  The elephant really can break free.  So why doesn’t it?

Here you are in Thailand, working a rural road project, and there is the vast hinterland.  Other elephants to have sex with.  Endless bounty of food.  Why is the elephant picking up that huge log and moving it?

The answer is deception.  The trainer used the rope when the elephant was a calf.  At that time, the rope was too strong, and it could hold the calf.  So the calf learned that it did not break free at that time because it could not.  It learned a fact that became false as it grew.  And now it does not break free, even though it can, because it is convinced by a past experience which is no longer applicable.  The trainer has deceived the elephant about current conditions through experiences in the elephant’s past.

Don’t get all high and mighty about your brain, just now.  The elephant has a very large brain, compared to its body mass.  Its brain is much larger than yours.  These are not stupid creatures, but amazingly complex, social, and creative beasts.

Your Past

There are two components to any event that has happened to you. The first aspect is what happened. The facts of the event. Who did what, what was said, to whom were things done or said, when, where, and how. Notice that the “why” is not included.

The second aspect is what you made it mean. You not only have the experience, but you have your interpretation of it. You have your reasoning about “why” these things happened.

The elephants do, too. The elephant as a calf was roped. It did not break free.  So, yes, I am saying it has an interpretation of what happened. And it became convinced that because it did not break free, it could not break free.

It may have become accustomed to the rope, to the captivity. It may have become inured to the routine. And presumably there were “carrots” as well, food, some nice things to play with, showers, mud, and whatever else elephants get in captivity. But the interpretation remained: I cannot break these ropes.

That’s really just not so. It applied to the elephant calf that was, but not to the adult elephant that is. The events of the past may even be forgotten, but the interpretation lives on, is clung to, is held as baggage by the ponderous pachyderm. It remains captive because it generated a true interpretation that became false. It did not break free because at one time it could not. Now it can break free, but it does not. Such is deception, such is illusion, such is your captivity.

Your future

So the next step, the difficult and vital step, is to separate what happened from what you made it mean. And to see that what you can now do is find a more empowering interpretation for what happened.

What happened is not who you are. What happened to you is only what happened to you. Part of the “baggage” aspect of it is that you are clinging to what happened like it is your identity. But it isn’t your identity. It is only your past.

Your opportunity now is to design the future you want, design the person you wish to be, and create that future, and create that person. Part of that future hinges upon the past, because what the present is came about because of the past. But part of that future is wholly free form and available for design from tabula rasa, from a blank slate. And letting the past continue to rule who you are and how you can be means limiting what you can do now and what you can create in the future.

If you make the future by looking at the past, and then adding things that you prefer and taking away things you dislike, then the future becomes more like the past in some ways and less like it in others, but it remains MORE or LESS the same. And that won’t do.

You are more than a version of the past, you are capable of creating a future that is more than a stepwise alteration of the past. You are capable of designing a future from whole cloth, and realising it entirely without reference to the past.

But to gain that capacity, to fully express that capacity, you have to release the past, let go of it, as in letting go of the things you are clinging to, the baggage of the past. Not as in erasing memories – you cannot erase them. Not as in denying that things happened – you neither can nor would deny what happened. But as in acknowledging that they happened and then noticing (being empowered by noticing) that they do not bind you. That the past has no chains for you.

Then you see that you are fully free of what happened, because you have finally gotten beyond what you made it mean.

Armorer/Corporal YD-038 recording

Page Seventeen:

Tom Paine Maru by L. Neil Smith

Repression spares us the memory of birth, along with the painful remembrance of many agonies of childhood or adult life, but it has unfortunate side-effects. It creates the subconscious, which is simply a repository of repressed data. According to the praxeologists, a sane person would have no subconscious. It lowers effective intelligence by tying up physiological hardware, intellectual software, also, physical energy.

Worse, by separating the process of cognition from sensation, repression separates the human “life” — which suffers any number of painful experiences daily — from the human mind, in a misdirected attempt at protecting it. The mind — which evolved for billions of years to control a life — naturally looks for other lives to control, instead. The life, because it must, looks for other minds to control it.

The is the essence of the authoritarian personality, inclined to be as fully submissive as it is to be brutally domineering. The praxeologists believe the drive for power is inversely proportional to the remaining operative intelligence, which explains why individuals, climbing up the ladder of society, appear more stupid the higher they get.

Religion serves many functions in a culture. It gives supreme leaders the comforting feeling that there is a controlling mind above them.

According to Confederates, the happiest non-sane human being is a mid-level bureaucrat with lives to control below, minds above for guidance.

I would have to think about that one.

It certainly matched my experience.

– L. Neil Smith, Tom Paine Maru

The interview runs to about 10,000(!) words, and ranges rather widely, from discussion of my statelessness through psychology, anarchism, religion and psychedelic drugs. There’s a whole lot there, go check it out!

Big thanks to you, Sunni! And stop apologizing already!

Let’s picture the citizen/state relationship, for the sake of discussion, as a marriage. You fell in love when you were young and impressionable and decided to get hitched. For the sake of linguistic convenience, let’s have you be the wife, the citizen, and the state the husband.

After your honeymoon and as time goes by in your marriage, you notice some things are decidedly wrong about your husband. For one thing, his history is really quite different from how he described it before you got married. The more you learn about what your husband did in the past, the more doubt you have in the notion that he is really a good person. How could the one you love have done such awful things? How could he wrap his past crimes up in fancy language and present them as virtues? You try to ask your husband about these things, and if you are not met with stony silence or cold dismissal all you get is a repeat of the same slide show and heavily edited home movies you’ve seen before, to the strains of triumphant music and accompanied by words that seek either to bury that terrible history or to change the meanings of the very words themselves. Sometimes you get slapped hard across the face. You have real doubts.

One day your husband comes home after a late night out with blood on his clothes. “What happened!” you cry. “Oh, I was handing out candy to the children in the neighborhood. Then I killed a man.” Why? Because the other man believed the wrong things, spoke out of line, failed to obey, resisted your husband’s commands and was trying to fight off your husband. “What was the fight about?” you ask. Turns out that your husband was trying to rob that other man, or force him into slavery, and he wasn’t too happy about it. It’s all okay for the moment — surely your husband wouldn’t do such things to you or your family now, would he? But still, the doubt grows: do I really want to be married to a robber and a murderer?

One day you realize that your husband in fact comes home every day fresh from killing and/or robbing someone. There always seem to be good reasons for the torture and the killings — or so dear hubby says — but there’s this nagging voice inside you that asks: how is he different from any other psychopathic mass murderer? Am I next?

You look back more deeply into your husband’s history and find and entire lifetime drenched in blood and clouded by lies. The horror runs so deep and is so pervasive! Sure, your husband may have performed a million good or neutral acts in his past, but there are thousands of incidents of such unrestrained barbarity that there never possibly could have been good intent behind them. You see a pattern.

And you wake up one morning — alone in your bed, as your restless husband never sleeps — and you realize you’ve been tricked. You recall, all at once, the times your husband has beat you, has tormented you about your own nature, has slandered you to the neighbors and has treated you as worthless. You note that he does no work himself, but regularly steals half of your paycheck before you have a chance to enjoy any of it. You see his bloody, murderous present in the context of his bloody, murderous history, and you wonder just what sort of monster you married. No matter: he is certainly not the man you imagined, nor the man he claims to be.

"I love you" by nubuck @ sxc.hu

You try to reform your husband, but he is recalcitrant; in fact, the beatings become even more severe when you do so. You try to enlist the help of neighbors and friends, but they all rebuff you, saying that your husband can’t possibly be an evil psychopath — after all, look at the millions of good things he’s done! You find few if any people that can see through the deception. You realize that your husband is the very embodiment of evil, and that you have been duped into believing him virtuous, duped into the marriage and lied to every day and through every one of his acts. You realize that your love was misplaced, as it was based on lies.

Clearly, it’s time for a divorce.

It is a sad fact of human existence that there are tendencies in our psychology where people who are victimized become bonded to and emotionally dependent on those who prey upon them. Battered person syndrome is one such, and Stockholm syndrome is another. I have known many people, largely women, who have gotten trapped in abusive relationships with the most despicable creatures. Worse than seeing their bruises or wounds, worse than crying with them, worse than knowing the agony of their pain is hearing them justify why they really ought to stay with the person closest to them and who causes them the greatest harm — for the children, for the house, for the money, to avoid looking like a failure in marriage, because what will the neighbors think, because a marriage is a gift from “God”, because they think themselves worthless, because maybe “this time” it will all work out for the best, etc. Trying to talk these poor souls out of such situations, especially when you care for them personally, is most often an exercise in bitter disappointment as you watch them again and again return for more and more abuse.

The one thing they really must do in order to save themselves is to sever the abusive relationship immediately: pack your things, leave the house, start a new life, get a divorce, never look back.

I’ve done the first few of those things, now it’s time for the next step. It is my intent to divorce the criminal enterprise which calls itself “The United States of America”. I will not remain bonded to evil voluntarily through the exercise of citizenship.

He obeys her because she is his elder, because she conjoins within herself the vision of many, and because he owes to her his begetting and his nurturing.

He honors her above all others, placing her in a special niche within his secret heart, in front of which the candles of respect and admiration are forever kept alight.

He defends her against all enemies, and counts his life well lost in her behalf.

Above all else, he loves her deeply and without display, knowing that although he shares that privilege with others, the nature of his own affection is unique and personal, rising from the deepest well-springs of his being, and returned in kind.

This is the good citizen. While his kind prevails, so also flourishes the Great Republic.

– Max Rafferty, California Education, Vol. II, No. 8 (April, 1965), quotes from Thomas Harris, I’m OK  — You’re OK, 1967

Fuck you, Max Rafferty. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, and fuck the “good citizen”, and fuck the “Great Republic”. May they all die screaming, excluding the innocent horse.

Fortunately, Harris quotes Rafferty to make a point, and not one of agreement. He leads in with:

We call our defense “patriotism,” and their defense “enslavement.” To some extent all nations live behind a curtain. Perhaps it is the same curtain.

It is the same curtain, indeed, though Harris doesn’t identify it outside of his paradigmatic approach to psychology (which has plenty of value). The curtain is statism.

Fuck.

Slayer, War Ensemble.

Propaganda death ensemble
Burial to be
Corpses rotting through the night
In blood laced misery
Scorched earth the policy
The reason for the siege
The pendulum it shaves the blade
The strafing air blood raid

Infiltration push reserves
Encircle the front lines
Supreme art of strategy
Playing on the minds
Bombard till submission
Take all to their graves
Indication of triumph
The numbers that are dead

Sport the war, war support
The sport is war, total war
When victory’s really massacre
The final swing is not a drill
It’s how many people I can kill

Sport the war, war support
The sport is war, total war
When victory’s really survival
The final swing is not a drill
It’s how many people I can kill

Be dead fiend from above
When darkness falls
Descend onto my sights
Your fallen walls
Spearhead break through the lines
Flanked all around
Soldiers of attrition
Forward their ground

Regime prophetic age
Old in its time
Flowing veins run on through
Deep in the Rhine
Center of the web
All battles scored
What is our war crimes
Era forever more

…War

Propaganda war ensemble
Burial to be
Bones shining by the night
In blood laced misery
Campaign of elimination
Twisted psychology
When victory is to survive
And death is defeat

Sport the war, war support
The sport is war, total war
When this end is a slaughter
The final swing is not a drill
It’s how many people I can kill